Healing: What Does It Really Mean?

By Joshua M. Tipton www.elementalmalecoaching.com

We throw the word “healed” around a lot these days. In coaching, therapy, and especially in relationships, people are always talking about doing the work, finding peace, and “healing their trauma.” But what does that actually mean? What does healed look like in a grown man who still has bills, baggage, a past, and people relying on him?

I don’t claim to have the universal truth. However, I’ve developed a working definition—one forged in fire, tested in real life, and refined through coaching men who are fighting for their lives, families, and integrity.

Healing isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s not about being Zen 24/7 or pretending nothing ever happened to you.

What Does It Mean to Be Healed?

My working definition of healed boils down to three critical questions:

1. Can You Be Functional as an Adult?

Can you show up to life? This means paying your bills, holding a job, taking care of your body, and communicating like a grown man rather than a reactive child. If you can’t function, it doesn’t matter how much “work” you’ve done.

A healed man is a present man. Presence means participation. You can’t opt out of life just because your parents didn’t know how to love you. It’s also not an excuse to sabotage every relationship and blame your ex.

Functionality doesn’t equate to perfection. It means you are self-responsible, not self-destructive.

2. Can You Be Happy Most of the Time?

This isn’t about being fake happy or manic, escape-happy. It’s about achieving grounded contentment—a sense of ease. A healed individual sees joy as a baseline rather than a fluke.

Healed men do not wait for everything to be perfect to feel good. They actively build lives they want to inhabit. Instead of merely surviving, they create meaning. Even in grief and grind, there’s an underlying sense of "I'm okay."

If your nervous system is always on edge, if your relationships are chaotic, and if you haven’t laughed from your gut in a year — you’re not healed yet. You might be awakening, but you’re still in the tunnel.

3. Can You Not Let Your Issues Affect Others?

This question is simple yet profound: Do you hurt the people closest to you with the pain you haven’t dealt with?

If your triggers lead to abusive behavior, avoidance, manipulation, or constant emotional turmoil, that’s not healing. That’s trauma running your life.

Healing means holding your own emotions instead of spilling them over your partner, children, or the world. It involves recognizing when you’re projecting, blaming others, or getting stuck in the past—and making the conscious decision to stop.

You may still have wounds, but you don’t act from them.

Understanding the Journey of Healing

Healing is a continuous journey that requires commitment and self-awareness. It's essential to state that healing looks different for everyone. While the three questions can serve as a roadmap, they may evoke different answers based on individual experiences.

Recognizing Your Emotions: It’s vital to understand your emotions—both the triggers and the roots. Journaling, meditation, or therapy can assist you in identifying patterns and responses that may not serve you.

Seeking Support: Whether it’s friends, family, or professionals, having a support system helps in navigating this journey. Healing often requires external perspectives to make you aware of blind spots.

Setting Boundaries: One crucial aspect of healing is learning to establish boundaries with both yourself and others. This means recognizing when to engage in relationships, activities, or conversations that may not be beneficial to your healing process.

Final Thought: Healing Is Measurable

You don’t need a guru to determine when you’re healed. You’ll know because your life begins to work in a more harmonious way. You will feel solid, respond thoughtfully, and stop chasing chaos or needing salvation from others.

That’s the standard I set for my clients—and for myself.

If you’re ready to stop letting your past affect your present, start functioning like a complete and responsible man, and rebuild a life that genuinely feels like yours—let’s talk.

Want help applying this to your life? Book a 1:1 coaching call at www.elementalmalecoaching.com