Am I An Avoidant Now?
- Joshua Tipton
- Jul 8
- 2 min read
Has My Work Around Codependence Turned Me Into an Avoidant?
At Elemental Male Coaching, we teach men to break free from patterns that sabotage connection—none more insidious than codependence.
When I began confronting my own codependent tendencies, I felt empowered. I started saying “no” without guilt. I stopped managing other people’s emotions. I reclaimed my time, my energy, my identity. It was liberating. Necessary. Masculine.
But recently, I’ve had to ask myself something uncomfortable:
In my effort to heal codependency
, have I overcorrected? Have I slipped into avoidant attachment?
Let’s unpack this.
Codependence is a pattern of losing yourself in others—over-functioning, caretaking, rescuing. You sacrifice your needs, often without being asked, in hopes of being chosen, valued, or simply safe. It’s an attempt to control connection through self-erasure.
Avoidance, however, is a fear of losing autonomy. It’s withdrawing when closeness arises. It’s interpreting healthy emotional expression as neediness. It’s mistaking boundaries for walls.
One clings. The other runs. But both are rooted in fear.
For men doing the work—especially those moving through the Elemental Male Framework—this shift is common. We realize we’ve been too responsible for other people’s feelings, so we swing to the other extreme and stop letting anyone close enough to matter.
That’s not healing. That’s hiding in the illusion of strength.
The truth is: real sovereignty doesn’t require distance—it requires depth. Boundaries aren’t about isolation; they’re about protecting your capacity to stay open, stay present, and stay aligned with your truth.
So if you’re wondering—as I did—whether your healing has hardened into avoidance, ask yourself:
Am I emotionally available, or just emotionally independent?
Do I make space for intimacy, or do I excuse myself from it under the banner of "growth"?
Am I leading from strength, or avoiding from fear?
Healing from codependency means learning to stand tall without pushing others away—to be solid in yourself and soft enough to receive love.
That’s the work. And that’s the heart of the Elemental Male.
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Want to go deeper? Explore our 1:1 coaching to identify your attachment style, reclaim your boundaries, and build a masculine foundation rooted in emotional integrity.
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